Can Purell be used as lube?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
