but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
