four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
