Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
