Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Randomize
