just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm having to shit out rocks
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
