"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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