Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
