Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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