dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
