You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize