Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
