worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize