just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
