12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize