fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
