he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
