its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
