Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
