I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
