It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
