I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
