i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
