I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
