please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
