I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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