My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i dont even know how to be here
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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