I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
