Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize