i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
