i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
