he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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