I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Small penises have feelings too.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
