If that was your dad, he is hot
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
