He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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