I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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