Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
