I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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