What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
