so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
