We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
