The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
