How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
