Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
