I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
