dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
