I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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