I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
