Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
