I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize