i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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