I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize