Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
