He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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