The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
