So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
