When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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