1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
nut hugger
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
