i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
