I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
