Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
