My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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