i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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