I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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