My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
