you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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