I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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