My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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