When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
