If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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