After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
