It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's never too late to be topless.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
