bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
