I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
