playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
